Chocolate for my soul

I'm not sure when the switch happened. It seems like one day I was still wishing and hoping that it would happen, and the next day it was. I assumed it was just a fluke thing, that it wouldn't be like that the next day, but I was wrong. And I'm glad that even if it's for a short time (or maybe not a short time) that it's here. It's truely chocolate for my soul. It's simple really, but as a mother it gives your every day purpose. It makes all the hard days worth it. It redeems the days you lose your temper, the days you just don't "feel" like being a mother anymore....and it gives even the word "mother" more meaning than it ever had before. What is it that has this much meaning, this much effect? It's Adri yelling "mom, mom, mom" from her crib when she wakes up and clapping her hands and jumping up and down and saying "Hiii!!" when I come to get her, it's when she gets her shots and she wraps her entire body around mine and just needs me to snuggle and kiss her as long as I possibly can, it's the times she stops what she's doing and crosses the room just to come over and lay her head in my lap and snuggle me for a minute, it's the times when she needs me to comfort her after a fall or "protect" her with my body when something/someone is a little scary even if "nana" is right there, it's the smiles and hugs she gives me while we read a book, it's the wet little kisses she gives me when we're rolling around on the floor in a tickle fight, it's just unconditional, unexpected, pure love. Love that I didn't ask her to give me, love that sometimes I probably don't deserve, but she gives it none the less. I know she's always had a connection to me simply because I'm her mother, but these things show me that she knows that. They tell me that no matter who else is her "favorite" relative to be around that I will always be her mother, and no one else can fill that role quite like I can.

I know this all sounds simple, it sounds like things that I shouldn't be so surprised about, but Adri has always been a very independent child. And she's always been very attached to her nana...which I love and am eternally grateful for...it gives me a lot of freedom! But deep down inside I always felt like I was missing out. I'd watch her smuther my mom with kisses and hugs and watch her cry when I had to take her home with me. I have to tell you that it made me a little sad, a little unconnected to her. But somewhere the switch happenend. Like within the last 2 weeks. Maybe it's the fact that she has a little sister to fight for my attention. Maybe it's that she's getting old enough to understand relationships a little better. Maybe it's that she's starting to view me as more than just her mom, but also maybe a friend too. Whatever the reasons, it warms me from the inside out, it brings tears to my eyes, pride to my heart, and indescribable joy to my days. It's evidence, it's fruit from all the hard work and attention I've tried to put into my relationship with her since the first day she arrived. And now, in a small way, I feel like I've finally arrived. I'm needed. I'm important. I'm special. I'm a true mom :)